


Leaving

by lulz4dayz



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Angst and Feels, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 09:03:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13073607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lulz4dayz/pseuds/lulz4dayz
Summary: The one where Richie can't stay in Derry any longer.





	1. Chapter 1

“When are you leaving?” Eddie’s voice wavered but he held his gaze, refusing to break down in front of the man he once loved. Still loved? Eddie wasn’t quite sure anymore. 

Richie took a long drag of his cigarette and put it out before answering. “Once Bevvie’s got her stuff fixed, I guess. It could be soon.”

Eddie looked away, blinking fast to rid himself of the tears that were starting to form. Though Eddie knew he couldn’t change Richie’s mind, he had still hoped. He had convinced a part of himself, no matter how little that part was, that Richie loved him enough to stay.

“Well, good luck out there, I guess. I hope you find what you’re looking for,” he stammered. Damn. And he thought he was doing so well.

Richie reached out to Eddie but thought against it, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “You could come, you know. Nothing’s stopping you.”

Eddie couldn’t help but scoff. So they were going to have that argument again?

“Rich, you know as well as I do that I can’t leave this place. Not yet.”

Richie could only nod, already knowing the answer before it left his lips.

“You know, they say, if we’re meant to be together, we’ll find our way back,” the lanky boy offered, trying to relieve the tension between them.

“Yeah, but that’s for people who have to leave each other, not ones who choose to.” Eddie hadn’t meant to sound so harsh, but the fact that he was being left behind was beginning to take a toll on him.

“I’ll still try, you know, Eddie. I’ll still try to look for you if you want.” Richie’s voice was like liquor and Eddie wanted to get drunk in it, finding something to hold on to, but that was stupid and Eddie Kaspbrak was anything but.

“Rich, I think after this, we should just move on. I mean, let’s just rip the bandaid off and make it easier for the both of us.”

It was silent for a few moments, neither one knowing what to say. The sound of the breeze filled up the silence.

“So I guess this is it then, Eds.” Eddie nodded, not trusting his own voice to answer back. “I guess this is the part where we both give up,” Richie shrugged, a small smile tugging on his lips. “God, I didn’t think it’d be so soon.”

Eddie fumed as he took in the words that were being thrown at him, his whole body shaking with rage. How dare he?

“Don’t fucking call me that, Trashmouth. And I didn’t give up. You did. You’re the one that wants to leave. You’re the one that needs this ‘escape.’ Apparently you don’t fucking love me enough to stay, so go, Rich. Just fucking go. But don’t you dare turn this on me. Don’t you ever fucking turn this on me. Don’t blame me for not fighting for this because I did, Richie. And you know what you said? You told me it wasn’t enough. You told me that you couldn’t stay in this hell hole even if I was in it.” 

Eddie’s head pounded, tears streaming down his face. He knew he had to stop but the floodgates were opened and he couldn’t help himself. “I just..I just thought I would be enough. I just thought that we could get through this together. A couple of more years and we’d leave. We could leave this town, go to fucking college. But you couldn’t wait for that. You couldn’t wait for me.”

Richie’s body grew tense, the need to hold him overwhelming him. He reached out, grabbing a hold of Eddie’s shoulders. The smaller boy forcefully shook him off, wrapping his arms around himself.

“Eddie,” Richie’s voice was soft, soothing. “Eddie please, you have to believe me when I say I’m not doing this to hurt you, okay? You were plenty enough! It’s just this town, Eddie. I can’t fucking stay here with Went and Maggie. You know I can’t. And after the fucking clown incident? I can’t fucking do it, Eddie. You know I can’t last a couple of more years here.” Richie’s breath grew ragged, his own tears falling. “I’m sorry that I can’t wait that long, Eddie, but I need to go. If you loved me as much as you said you did, you’d let me go.”

“Well, that’s why we’re here, ‘Chee, because I’m letting you go.” Eddie lifted his head, his eyes meeting Richie’s. He knew this would be the last time he’d see him, the last time he’d be able to tell him how he felt, how happy his life was with him. He wanted to wrap his arms around him one more time, drawing him in, kissing him until their lips were pink and raw. He wanted to beg him to stay, even though he wouldn’t, and if he still wanted to go, Eddie wanted to tell him how much he loved him, how he was the first boy he’s ever loved, and how he didn’t regret a single minute they had together. Eddie wanted to do so much for the man in front of him, but he couldn’t. He knew if he did, it would be that much harder to let go.

“You know I’ll always love you, Eddie.” Richie’s voice slightly cracked, but his words were held firm.

“I know, Richie.” Eddie gave the boy a small smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes. “Just take care of yourself, yeah?”

Richie returned the smile, holding onto Eddie’s gaze, memorizing every details of his face as if it was the last time he’d ever see something so beautiful. “Of course, Eddie Spaghetti.”

Eddie groaned at the nickname but let out a small chuckle. Though he didn’t want to admit it, even if he knew he and Richie would never see each other again, he did enjoy the nicknames given to him. It was as special as it was dumb.

Knowing that their meeting had come to its end, Eddie gave Richie a small wave, knowing he wouldn’t have been able to handle it if it were anything more. With the pain still ringing in his chest, he turned around and walked away, feeling his heart break a little more with each step he took.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a few weeks after Richie and Beverly took off. The rest of the Losers noticed that Eddie barely made it through school days. He had his head hung low for the most part, working the daily grind he knew he needed to keep his grades afloat. He spent most of his time studying, drowning himself with distractions – anything that would keep him from thinking about the curly haired boy that stole his heart and took it with him when he ran away. There would be times when one of the Losers would slip up. They’d be talking during lunch, Eddie trying hard to make it seem like he was interested in the conversation, and then someone would say his name. Eddie was the only one who swore off contact so whenever Richie was mentioned, he’d get up and walk away. They understood, though, that he needed time to mourn. They gave him space, didn’t pressure him to talk. They just simply let him be.

The Losers didn’t know that night time was worse. They didn’t know how Eddie had trouble sleeping because he was so used to having Richie holding him until he drifted off. They didn’t know that Eddie had to change his bed sheets twice just to get rid of his scent. They didn’t know that he’d wake up crying, hands reaching out and sobbing even more when they couldn’t find what they were looking for. They didn’t know that when it got really bad, Eddie would pop a couple of sleeping pills just to silence the voices that were in his head.

He’s gone and he’s never coming back. Open bottle. He left you because he didn’t love you enough. Take pill. It was so easy for him to let you go. Swallow.

For the few moments before the pill took its effect, Eddie would lay on the bed, thinking about Richie, wondering how he was and if he was happy. He’d let himself drown in the pain, hoping, even if he was the one that suggested to have some sort of closure, that one day Richie would come back. Eddie knew that one day he’d be able to wake up and move on, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to forget the only boy he’s ever loved.

–

One day Eddie didn’t come to school.

“M-maybe h-he’s sick,” Bill suggested, glancing nervously at the empty seat in front of him.

“Yeah or maybe Ms. Kaspbrak’s got him in the emergency room again,” Stan offered.

“I think we should check on him after school just in case.” Mike’s brows pulled together in concern.

The rest of the boys nodded in agreement. “We can just tell Sonia we’re dropping off Eddie’s homework,” Ben added, his face evident of worry for his friend.

The school day dragged on for hours, with each ticking of the clock coming in slower than the last. The boys waited in anticipation, their glances at the time frequenting every few minutes. They didn’t even hear the end of the final bell, rushing out and grabbing their bikes once they knew the school day was done. They had no idea where Eddie could have been but pedalled their way towards his house in silent agreement.

“He’s not here,” Stan said as they reached the house.

“How do you know?” Ben eyed the car that was parked in the driveway, sure that it was Ms. Kaspbrak’s.

“If Eddie was sick, he’d be at the hospital and if Eddie was at the hospital, Sonia would be there with him,” Stan explained.

“Yeah b-but what i-if he d-ditched,” Bill suggested, his own voice betraying his conviction. They knew Eddie wouldn’t stay home if he did end up skipping school. His mother would be on his case.

Mike stepped in closer, eyes wondering the front yard. “Eddie’s bike’s not here,” he pointed out, finally figuring out what seemed off. The group shared a look before racing their bikes down the road, naming out random places that their friend could have gone. They checked the library, the Barrens, the arcade, and even the town center, but they still couldn’t find Eddie. The sun was starting to set, worrying the Losers even more.

“There’s one place we haven’t looked,” Mike said, brows furrowed.

Stan shook his head, letting the curls bounce off his face. “No. There’s no way in hell he could have gone there.”

The boys’ faces were etched with horror, realization dawning on them. They had no choice. They had to go find Eddie.

–

Bill breathed out a sigh of relief once Eddie’s bike was in view. It was short-lived, however, upon realizing that Mike was right. Pushing all fears aside, Bill led the way inside the house, ignoring every instinct he had to run the other way. They made their way up the stairs, their bodies huddled close together. They didn’t dare check the basement, knowing that the well was still intact. A creak was heard from one of the rooms earning a startled jump from the boys. They walked towards the sound, determined to find their friend. It had been years since the incident, so the Losers should have nothing to be afraid of.

Reaching the source of the noise, they were all relieved to see Eddie’s figure, his back against the wall, his hands fiddling with his fingers as he stared at his friends with wide eyes. Bill was the first to walk towards the boy.

“E-eddie? What a-are you d-doing here?”

“I remember when we were kids, IT tricked Richie here by pretending to be me,” Eddie stated as a matter-of-fact. “I was just wondering if I was here, maybe Richie would come back. Maybe Richie would come back for me.”

Ben approached his friend, grabbing onto his hand to pull him up. “Eddie, Richie wouldn’t come back here to this house, you know that.”

“Y-yeah, Eddie. We shouldn’t b-be here. Let’s g-get you out of h-here,” Bill pressed.

Eddie shook his head, wrenching his hand away. “No, you guys don’t understand. He loves me. He’s coming back.” His voice rose, panic lacing his words. “He loves me. He’s coming back.”

“Eddie. Please, let’s go.” Stan’s voice had a sense of urgency, the same tone he would hold every time he’d think back to the incident that’s plagued his nightmares.

“No, I’m waiting for him. I’m waiting for Richie. He’s coming back. Let me wait for him,” Eddie pleaded, his eyes widening.

“Eddie,” Mike’s voice was soft. “Let’s get you home, okay? We know he loves you. We also know that he wouldn’t want you back here. This is the house where he almost lost you, remember? He wouldn’t want to come back here.”

Sniffling, Eddie had to nod at what Mike said. He remembered the day he broke his arm, falling through the decrepit floors of the house. IT was coming after him, steps taking their time as if to mock his final moments. Bill and Richie had gotten there just in time, the rest of the Losers barging in the house as well. Richie had grabbed onto Eddie’s face, turning it to make it look at him, to stop him from panicking even more so. Eddie remembered thinking that he wouldn’t have minded if Richie’s face was the last he saw before IT got him.

Reluctantly, Eddie grabbed onto Ben’s hand, hoisting himself up. He didn’t say anything when they pulled him away from the Neibolt house, forcing him onto his bike. He kept quiet when they rode with him back to his home and walked him to his front door. He didn’t argue when they made him promise to never do it again and had agreed that there would always be one of the Losers walking him to and from school at all times.

Eddie slipped inside his house quietly, rushing towards his room. He didn’t have the patience to deal with his mother, making a lame excuse of how he was too tired for dinner before shutting the door behind him. He ran towards his bed, crashing his body against the fabric that no longer smelled like home. He laid still, feeling the way his heart pounded heavily against his chest, to aches, to ticks, to pulses, until the weight of the day came and drifted him off to sleep.


End file.
